


New Perspective

by miyani



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Eventual Sex, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mild Blood, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Not Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, lowkey a vent fic, not beta read we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:07:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25818553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyani/pseuds/miyani
Summary: All his life, Kageyama Tobio's parents have told him how he shouldn't support homosexuality, nor should he "practice" it. Of course, this brought him to a state of panic when he was finally old enough to comprehend what they were saying. His sister was gay, his friends were gay, and even he himself was starting to slip under the trance of how attractive he thought men were. And so, he pushed his supposedly "sinful" thoughts (his father's words, not his) to the back of his mind, and decided to focus on volleyball. And to his surprise, it worked. That is, until he graduated and moved into an apartment he now shared with his previous classmates.OR : Kageyama struggles with internal homophobia, even though he definitely thinks boys are attractive. His friends try to help him let go of it, and he ends up falling in love with Sugawara.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Kageyama Miwa & Kageyama Tobio, Kageyama Tobio & Kozume Kenma, Kageyama Tobio & Kunimi Akira, Kageyama Tobio & Oikawa Tooru, Kageyama Tobio/Sugawara Koushi, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 26





	New Perspective

**Author's Note:**

> you ever start an entirely new fic instead of working on the other two you already have? :3
> 
> anyways uhh !! uncommon ship time kjkdsd idk i've been wanting to write this one for a while now so i figured i might as well do it now :)  
> anyways !! just a note before you start !!
> 
> the very beginning of this story takes place in september, just after tsukki's birthday. all of the characters are adults, and are all above the age of 21, except yamaguchi and kageyama, who are 21 on the dot uwu

Every morning is the same routine for Tobio. He wakes up, eats breakfast, brushes his teeth, convinces himself he’s absolutely 100% _NOT_ gay, takes a shower, gets dressed for the day, and listens to Kei and Shouyou argue about something so insignificant that none of them can remember what it was even about when it’s over. Today, it was over the “correct” way to put milk in the fridge. Tobio didn’t even know there _was_ a wrong way. He sits down at the table, leaning against his hand as he listens to the ridiculous argument unfold in front of him.

“Stupid! You’re supposed to have the arrow face the left! Are you mentally deficient?” 

“But that’s dumb! It’s supposed to face the right!” 

_“Left!”_

_“Right!”_

_**“Left!”**_ Eventually, Tobio finds himself not paying attention. He’s more focused on the way Kei runs his hand through his hair, tugging slightly at the strands he catches between his fingers; and the way Shouyou crosses his arms and pouts whenever he finds himself in an argument. There’s something about the both of them standing on either side of him, something about them staring each other down with a fire in their eyes, something about the way they lean closer with every point they make; something always draws Tobio in and makes him happy to be in the middle, witnessing all of it. He wouldn’t be able to tell them why on earth his eyes trailed down to Shouyou’s pants; and he definitely wouldn’t be able to tell them why they stayed there for so long. “Tobio!”

He jolts back to reality when he hears Shouyou shout his name, leaning back in his chair and quickly snapping his eyes back to the other’s face. “Hm?” Shouyou looks back over at Kei, making that stupid little face he usually makes when he’s mocking Tobio. “Left or right? Since Kei seems to think he knows everything.” He stands up, opening the fridge and grabbing a small carton of strawberry milk. “Who cares? It’s milk either way.” Tobio’s comment seems to strike some sense into them, and they both sit down to stare at the tablecloth. Tobio sticks a straw through the small foil circle on his milk carton, sipping from it as he leans against the wall. “Good morning!” Tadashi’s voice is as cheerful as always as he enters their shared apartment, taking off his sneakers and setting them on the shoe rack by the door. He always wakes up before everyone else to go for a walk. Tobio can’t even begin to fathom how he manages to wake up so early and still be as energetic as he is. “Are we still on for movie night?”

“You _know it_ , baby!” Tobio flinches slightly at Shouyou’s yelling, clutching his milk carton to avoid dropping it. “Actually, I have work tonight. Last minute call-in. Sorry.” He looks over at Kei, moving over to give him access to the fridge. “Aww, you’re no fun, Kei!” Shouyou pouts, crossing his arms and looking away from him. “That’s okay, Shouyou. You, me, and Tobio can still have movie night.” He looks up at Tadashi, straw in his mouth and a blank look on his face. “I have work tonight, too. I thought I told you last week.” 

_“Tobioooo.”_ The way Shouyou whines his name sends a shiver down his spine. He shakes it off, looking over at Shouyou as he practically begs for Tobio to reconsider. “Shouyou, I can’t just ditch work to watch,” he looks over at the calendar behind him. “ _Mr. Dough and the Egg Princess_. I’ll get fired.” Shouyou stands up, holding his hands close to his chest. “Please? Can’t you find someone to take over?”

“I already asked Hanamaki if he could take over, but he’s going on a date with Matsukawa tonight.”

“Aww.. I guess it’s just us tonight, Tadashi. Kei and Tobio are going to work like adults and can’t be kids for a night to watch _Mr. Dough and the Egg Princess._ ” He rolls his eyes, taking his phone out of his pocket to look at the time. “Ah.. I should get to class soon. I don’t wanna get kicked out of university.” 

“Bye, Tobio! See you when you get home from work!” He grabs his bag off the hook, holding his hand up to say goodbye to his roommates as he leaves their apartment. His phone buzzes twice in his pocket; Tooru must’ve messaged him before he went to bed. 

> **From: Tooru**
> 
> _gm tobio! how was school? :)_
> 
> **From: You**
> 
> _Haven’t gone yet. I can imagine it’s gonna suck, though._
> 
> **From: Tooru**
> 
> _aw don’t think like that :(_
> 
> **From: Tooru**
> 
> _dywmtcsydtycimm? :)_
> 
> **From: You**
> 
> _What?_
> 
> **From: Tooru**
> 
> _nothing :)_
> 
> **From: You**
> 
> _Alright. How’s Argentina?_
> 
> **From: Tooru**
> 
> _pretty great >:3 there’s lots of pretty girls here that i think would be all over you ;) _
> 
> **From: Tooru**
> 
> _i’m kidding btw :3 i know you aren’t interested in women_

Now how did he know that? As far as Tobio knows, he’s never come out to anyone. _(Not that he’s ever had to. He’s entirely straight. He doesn’t need to come out if he’s straight. Which he is.)_

> **From: You**
> 
> _I’m very interested in women. I just don’t like to be openly into them._
> 
> **From: Tooru**
> 
> _no you’re not!! you like volleyball too much to pay attention to women >:) _
> 
> Oh. So he wasn’t calling him out, after all. That’s a relief. 
> 
> **From: You**
> 
> _Very funny. I have to get to class now. I’ll text you later._
> 
> **From: Tooru**
> 
> _bye-bye tobio! i’m off to bed now :)_

He puts his phone away, sitting at his desk and setting his bag down on the floor. He glances around at his classmates, partially eavesdropping on their fleeting conversations. Most of them don’t exactly spark Tobio’s interest, so he turns back to his desk, tapping his pencil as he waits for his professor to arrive. 

_“Yeah, I heard he’s just recently come back from America.”_

Oh? Now that certainly seemed interesting. He leans back in his chair, putting his arm over the back of it so as to not look suspicious. “Yeah. Sawamura said he’s taking him out for drinks tonight. I was thinking of stopping by his place tomorrow to bring him something to eat.”

“There’s no way you’d have the confidence to do that. This is the guy you’ve had a crush on since junior high, after all.”

“No! I’ll do it, I’ll really do it! I’m sure Sugawara would appreciate it!” Tobio’s heart catches in his throat at the sound of the other’s name, leaving him as a choked-up mess at his desk. How long has it been since he’d seen Sugawara? He remembers seeing him on the sports channel a few months ago; Hinata wanted to watch it for his birthday. But when was the last time they had met face to face? Three years ago? Four? He stares at his desk, now tuning out the conversation he had just been listening to. He finds himself lost by the end of the lesson; he’d been too busy contemplating if he wanted to go out of his way to catch up with Sugawara or not. Eventually, he’d decided not to. At least, not today. He has work in a few hours; he can’t afford to miss it today, especially with Hanamaki being gone.

Eventually, his classes are over, leaving him with roughly 30 minutes to change into his work uniform and actually get to work. He steps into the nearest bathroom, slipping into a stall and changing clothes. He slings his bag over his shoulder, stepping out of the bathroom and beginning to make his way towards the bar he currently works at. He arrives a few minutes before his shift, which he uses to make himself look presentable and less tired. The timer on his phone goes off; his shift just started. He waves goodbye to Hanamaki, wishing him luck on his date with Matsukawa before tying his apron around his waist and stepping out to stand behind the bar. “Kunimi. What’s the sketch?” 

“The.. what?” 

“The sketch. What’s the sketch?” Kunimi stares at Tobio blankly, wiping down the counter after serving a drink. “What’s going on? What should I be doing at the moment?” Kunimi snaps his fingers, turning back to the counter as he scrubs at it. “You could’ve just said that, you know. It’s been a slow night so far, so you can go ahead and clean your side of the bar.” He nods, reaching behind him to grab his cleaning rag. “Oh, and we have a party of 3 arriving in ten minutes.” He nods again, spraying the counter and wiping it down as he stares at Kunimi. His eyes trail downwards, landing on his waist. He examines the way his apron accentuates his hips, biting his lip as he stares mindlessly. He looks up at his face, his own face flushing bright red when he makes eye contact with Kunimi. “You’re not checking me out, are you?” His tone is playful, signaling for Tobio to relax a bit. “No. Just thinking about something.” 

“Thinking about what? Kissing me?” The tone of his voice is reminiscent of what Tobio would expect the “>:3” emoticon to sound like. He opens his mouth to respond, cutting himself off when he hears the door open. “Hello! Please take a seat, a bartender will be right with you shortly!” He turns back to Kunimi, brushing himself off and looking around. “I’ll get this. You can take a break, I know you’ve been working for a while.” He blocks out Kunimi’s response, tuning into the party of three that had just walked in. _“America wasn’t all that. I’m happy to be back in Japan! I start teaching next week!”_

_“That’s exciting. Are you nervous?”_

_“Not really! Kids love me, you can attest to that, Daichi.”_ Tobio feels like he’s just been hit by a brick. He swallows the saliva that had been building up in his mouth, setting a glass down in front of the three customers sitting at the bar. “Good afternoon gentlemen, how can I serve you?” 

“Oh. Kageyama, hi. Daichi, you didn’t tell me you were organizing a reunion.”

_Hello, Sugawara. Please order something now, my ankles are giving out on me._ “Hello, Sugawara. It’s a pleasure to see you again.” He pulls his notepad out of his apron pocket, tapping his pen against it. “Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Oh, no thanks.”

“Aw, don’t be like that, Koushi.” 

“Really, Daichi. It’s okay. I’m not a big fan of alcohol anyways.” 

“Alright, suit yourself. Just a cosmopolitan, then.” Tobio scribbles the order onto his notepad, bowing and slipping his pen behind his ear. “Perfect. I’ll have that ready for you shortly.” He turns away from his previous upperclassmen, visibly relaxing as he approaches the mirror in front of him. “Do you like him or something?” Kunimi’s voice startles him, and he nearly drops a glass at his feet. “What? No, I don’t “like” him, that’s such.. childish wording. Besides, I'm not even attracted to other men.” 

“I don’t know, the way you used to look at Oikawa says otherwise.” Tobio’s face starts to burn, and he hides away behind his hands. The truth is, he did look at Tooru in a different way at one point in time. He wouldn’t exactly say he did so lovingly _(especially since they hated one another at the time)_ , but more with admiration. Not for Tooru himself, of course, but for his ability. He was talented, he was something Tobio wanted to be. He remembers when Tooru first approached him. It was cold outside, a couple weeks before Tobio’s 14th birthday. Tooru had stuck his hand out at him from under his arm, staring at him with something Tobio could only describe as fire. _“Shake my hand, Kageyama.”_ He stepped forward, putting his fingertips up against Tobio’s chest. _“Why?”_

_“Because I said so. Shake my hand, it’s getting cold.”_ Tobio pulled his hand out of his pocket, slipping it into Tooru’s. He remembers suddenly feeling warm, and then Tooru squeezing his hand rather harshly. He had pulled it back then, pouting as Tooru laughed at him. _“What? You weren’t expecting it?”_

_“Oi, Shittykawa. Knock it off.”_ Hajime. Tobio misses him sometimes; well, misses the way he handles Tooru, more like it. He should text him after work. What time would it be in California? He should put that into his clock when he has the chance. _“I still can’t believe Nishinoya became a fish.”_

“Nishinoya did _what_?” He sets Daichi’s drink down in front of him, leaning on the counter as he tries to comprehend what he overheard. “He became a fisherman.. Are you okay, Kageyama? Your face is red.. Do you have a fever? Here, let me check.” He backs away from Sugawara’s hand, face burning bright red as he brings his own hand to his mouth. “I’m fine, it’s just.. Hot in here, is all.” 

“Ah.. Yeah, I suppose it is a bit warm..” _It’s 76 degrees. That’s not hot at all. Was he always this stupid around Sugawara?_ He turns away from the group, taking off his apron and clocking out. “Hey. Where are you going? You know how busy we get after 10:00. I can’t do that alone.” Tobio looks over his shoulder at Kunimi, shrugging. “I have to go.”

“Go where? Why?”

“Home. I’m done working today.” He steps outside, Kunimi following him and letting the door shut behind them. “What’s gotten into you? You can’t just leave early, especially not without someone to cover your shift.” Tobio looks down at the ground, kicking at the pavement as he thinks about it. “Kunimi, could I tell you something?” He looks up at him, watching him closely. “Of course. You know you can tell me anything, Kageyama.” Tobio’s brain shuts off at that. _“You know you can tell me anything.”_ But what if he can’t tell them anything? What if they laugh at him? What if they react the same way his parents did to Miwa? He bites his lip, looking back at his feet. “It’s.. I don’t know, I guess I’m just missing Tooru.” He doesn’t look at Kunimi; he doesn’t want to see the look on his face. “Oh, Kageyama. Whatever would he do without a loyal fan such as yourself?” He shifts uncomfortably, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Oikawa texted me during my first shift. He’s doing just fine, Kageyama. But, if it makes you feel any better, he misses you too.” Oh. He wasn’t expecting that. He feels a warmth beginning to build up in his abdomen; it makes him feel nauseous, but almost in a good way. “Uh.. Thanks, Kunimi. But I really need to go home. Sorry, I’ll cover your next two shifts.”

He slings his bag over his shoulder, heading towards the bus stop as he desperately tries to ignore the sick feeling in his stomach. He catches the bus just as it’s about to leave, sitting in the very back and putting his earbuds in to block out the world around him. He’s had enough of it for one day. He swipes down on the screen, opening up his messages. Shouyou sent him something while he was in class. He opens it up, smiling to himself when he catches a glimpse of orange. It’s a photo of him sitting on the couch with Tadashi and Tanaka. Shouyou is way too close to the camera, sticking his tongue out and winking to himself. There’s a small caption at the bottom; a popcorn emoji followed by the words _“miss u”_ in a rather small font. Tobio angles his phone camera to face the window, snapping a picture of the view. He captions it with some stars, sending it to Shouyou in response. He enjoys living with Shouyou. He’s not sure he could handle it if it was just Kei and Tadashi living with him. If that were the case, he’d probably be living alone by now. He feels the bus come to a stop, standing up and grabbing onto the pole in front of him. He steps off the bus, running a hand through his hair as he makes way to his apartment. He looks down at his phone, laughing at Shouyou’s message on the screen.

> **From: Sho**
> 
> _you dummy!! >:c aren’t you supposed to be at work?? _
> 
> **From: You**
> 
> _Got off early. I’m just around the corner, I’ll be home in ten._
> 
> **From: Sho**
> 
> _okay!! just be quiet when you come in :0 kei is asleep >:c _

Tobio puts his phone away, closing his eyes as he continues to walk. He feels safe this way; blocking out the world has always been his way of coping with what went on around him. He’s not sure why, but feeling like he’s the only one around is comforting to him. He opens his eyes again, looking down at his phone yet again.

> **From: Miwa**
> 
> _tobio!! hope ur day was nice lil bro!! argentina told me u weren’t feeling good and left work early :( everything ok?_

He stares at the message for a moment, putting his phone back in his pocket as he keeps walking. He doesn’t want to talk about it; not right now, at least. He reaches the corner before he gets another message. He takes his phone out again, looking at the screen. 

> **From: Miwa**
> 
> _tobio u know ignoring me won’t make me go away >:3 _
> 
> **From: Miwa**
> 
> _tobiooooooo <3 _
> 
> **From: Miwa**
> 
> _u know i can see u leaving me on read right? or did u forget how texting works? >:3 _
> 
> **From: Miwa**
> 
> _come onnnnnn i just wanna help my lil bro feel better_

He rolls his eyes, turning his phone off and continuing to make his way home. He stops in the lobby, grabbing whatever was remaining in the mailbox from that day, and heads up the stairs to his apartment. He sets his bag down, taking his keys out and unlocking the door. He sticks his foot inside, grabbing his bag again and stepping inside. The door shuts quietly behind him, and Shouyou’s head pops up from the couch. “Tobio!” A sharp hissing noise rings out shortly afterwards, and Tobio realizes that Shouyou is sitting on Kenma instead of the couch. “Right, Kei and Tadashi are asleep. Sorry.” He looks over at Tobio, blinking at him innocently. “Kenma and I are having a sleepover. He brought Animal Crossing.” 

“Shouyou, lay back down. You were warm.” Shouyou lays back down, nuzzling into Kenma’s hoodie sleeve. Tobio puts his bag up on its hanger, kicking his shoes off and setting them on the shoe rack. He unzips his jacket, hanging it over his arm as he looks at the T.V. Sure enough, it’s Animal Crossing. Kenma must’ve brought his switch over again. Tobio tilts his head to either side, yawning as he walks past Shouyou and Kenma and into his room. “Goodnight, Tobio.”

“Goodnight, Shouyou.”

* * *

He covers his eyes at the light that’s suddenly assaulted his vision, groaning as his phone buzzes nonstop on his nightstand. He rolls over, picking it up and squinting at the screen. It’s a number he doesn’t recognize, though his phone seems to be aware of the number's owner. He lays on his stomach, putting a pillow under his chin to support himself. 

> **From: Maybe Sugawara**
> 
> _Hey, Kageyama! It’s Sugawara. The other guy at the bar gave me your number, I hope that’s okay._

> **From: Maybe Sugawara**
> 
> _You left so suddenly. Everything okay? Sorry if this woke you up._

He rubs his eyes, squinting at the messages on the screen. He sets his phone down on the nightstand again, rolling onto his back and draping his arm over his face. He doesn't want to talk. Talking means confronting, and confronting means disgust. He doesn’t want to talk. He wants to go back to sleep and wake up the next morning and not be attracted to men anymore. 

He wants to be the perfect image his parents have of him. Their smart, athletic, _straight_ son.

_That’s all he wants to be._

**Author's Note:**

> jsdnkjfksj that took way too long to write wow
> 
> anyways um djsnkjdj basically this is just a way for me to project through kageyama i guess??  
> and writing it made me happy :) so i'm gonna keep writing it :)
> 
> uhh that's about it :) bye <3


End file.
